Women's Week P-Town Part 1.

People fascinate me - Lesbians and Lesbian culture is especially intriguing to me - for obvious reason, I mean really… I am a "little" invested. This is my tribe, ya know?

I just spent a week in P-Town for my first ever "women's week" experience…

It has been a week of loss and recovery. By that I mean, my wallet, my car keys (2sets), my money, my phone, my id and my traveling companion.

The week began as it meant to continue, a call to the police station and an "almost" missing persons report. As the week progressed and much alcohol was consumed…2 lost purses, more lost and found police reports, a call to AAA and an ex-girlfriend… everything but my dignity was recovered.


What I really want to know is why do ex- girlfriends have to know everything, really…

Why?


In order to regain my lost belongings I was forced to place a call to my ex girlfriend who was in Atlanta Georgia with her Mother attending a family Bar- Mitzvah. It's not exactly the phone call you want to make


"Um, Hi! Yeah… it's me. I appear to have lost a couple of things, do you happen to have Sally's friends phone number… I think she may know where my shit is…"


Sure enough – she tracked down my missing items like a bloodhound. It was reminiscent of the years following our break up. I swear she would hide things from me like my favorite pair of shoes and my tax return from 1999.


"Hey, it's me! Do you happen to know where my snakeskin boots are, the ones I bought in England?"

"Upstairs closet, top shelf… way in the back… the shoes your wore to my cousins wedding are up there with them"

"Shit! I've been looking for them too!"

"Well, if you need anything else…just call me"

"Um, actually... do you know where my taxes are?"

(Heavy Sigh - from the ex)



Ok, Back to Women's Week…


It seems to me (and anyone that possesses a reading level over the age of 8) that the stand up comic is to today's lesbian culture what folk musicians and Kum Ba Yah were to the lesbians back in the 70's. Just read the women's week guide – every 20-30 minutes you can catch a stand up comedy show of some description.


All I have to say about that is…. THANK GOD!

Way to go, lesbians!! We are now choosing to laugh at our selves rather than sitting around singing odes to butch gym teachers. I think it is a possibility that we could be on the verge of shaking our dumpy dour reputation as unfeminine, unfunny creatures. You know, the ones that just can't find a "good man" and therefore are forced to turn to lesbianism.

I could never figure out what "good man" meant and we've all heard it. Does it mean Hung? Gives good head? Won't beat you for serving brussel sprouts with dinner? I have come to the conclusion that it means filthy rich, impotent and welcomes your lesbian lover to move in to west wing of the Malibu mansion. If you know this man – please send him my way… I think I could be forced to make a life change.

With this new wave of beautiful, funny chiquitas…perhaps the straight people will finally accept the fact that I truly am one of the horned, card carrying members of our little club. Not that I am either of those things but I'm hoping it will impact me in some way.

Now I don't want you to think I am bashing the unshaven, patchouli wearing, earthy chicks hauling guitar cases around town. Please don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of the lesbian folk musician. I have accumulated quite a few of the musically inclined type on my ex-gf rap sheet. I even have a professional pianist from Amsterdam on there and let me tell you… "Chopin" will never sound the same again… (ahem).

I considered working my way through the comics but thought better of it… I mean, really there's enough material out there in the world without having an auditorium of potential ex-wives laughing at my personal sexual escapades. At some point a 37 year old woman in a French maids outfit just isn't funny anymore.

The single women blew me away. The pick up lines were amazing – even to me! Now, forget the lesbian handbook, I think I missed the women's week "single woman's: handbook – I have never been yelled at so many times for my apparent failure in the making out department. Apparently the pre-requisite errs more to the side of making out with and sleeping with drunk chicks whose last names you don't know, can't spell and for the love of god…forget good pronunciation!!

If you try to swim upstream against this rule… you get yelled at!


And that my friends, is my next posting… Women's Week, Part 2


Sparkles

xoxo


Currently listening :
Lesbian Favorites: Women Like Us
By Various Artists
Release date: 1997-10-28