LESBIAN SEX!!

Sunday, August 03, 2008




OK!! So a friend and I were reading the "on our backs – lesbian sex manual" yesterday, which I had bought hoping a - then current – now ex gf - would read it. Apparently I should have read that shit first because IT SUCKED!!! Explains a lot!!


Really People? Knives? Needles? Fire??


I think there needs to be a collaboration of real advice from those of you who are sexually active…. There are some pretty good basics – right?


1. If you kiss her and she screams…. Take the cigarette out of your mouth
2. Shaving …. Isn't just about you
3. We love the hair pulling….. but you can't just grab a handful and hope for the best! You gotta run your hand up the nape of the neck to the base of the skull - close your fist around a good amount of the hair closest to the head and pull – hard and deliberate à works! – Fast and indecisive – leads only to premature baldness and whiplash.
4. Please – for the love of god – Talk in bed!!! ….. I don't mean – "you're on my side or pass me a pillow". We don't care if the only thing you say is – You're a dirty fucking bitch - commit to it – say it like you mean it and keep saying it. We don't care if it's repetitious – we're not looking for new material!
5. Oh, and if you're gonna talk in bed ….. Speak up! Mumbling does not work. It's just not sexy when you have to stop and ask "what did you say"? Or if you hear something about wearing a helmet and she's really saying - put some elbow into it….
6. Teeth and biting are great…. Please don't act like you are trying to take a chunk out of a granny smith and don't file or sharpen the fangs first – Thank you!
7. Exercising a little power and control isn't such a bad thing. A strong flat palm to the breastbone with even & increasing pressure combined with 4 ….. Well, it's a start!!
8. Put down the porn….. Sex is not designed to LOOK pretty!
9. Slapping versus spanking…… Ahhhhhh….. ladies, again with the strong flat palm – applied decisively to the bottom of the ass cheek… where leg meets ass – ya know? It's as much about the sound as it about the spank. General slapping of the target without a plan – well…. notsogood… ok? ok!
10. From behind… it's pretty popular… try it once in a while …. Combine it with 3…. Now – you're starting to be a rockstar…. The rock concert comes later…
11. Role playing….. Hmmmm…… command, demand, instruct! "You're going to be my two dollar whore" is better than…. "What Steel Magnolia's character do you want to play tonight, honey"?
12. I realize walking and chewing gum at the same time can be difficult for some of you – but it is possible to push and pull at the same time without getting too confused.

13. RULES….. is it possible to give up your pre-determined… Oh I don't do this – I don't do that …. I can't do THAT…. I want to know where these rules came from… What, you tried it once with someone else and it ended with a 911 call??? Really? Really? Can't we try being a little open minded?

14. BDSM…. Look it up – trust me, at least ONE of these letters will appeal to you
15. Fantasy….. there's a difference between fantasy and reality…. That's why it's called FANTASY!
16. Donkey Punch….. Probably good to have a conversation about that before trying it out on your lady!
17. Baby, with me – you won't be needing lube! Apparently you just came out of the closet – Lube, buy it, own it, use it…. Put some elbow into it!
18. Kiss her like you wanna Fuck Her…
19. And, Fuck her, like she stole something from you…
20. I know On Our Backs – dedicated a whole chapter to it – but truly, setting your girlfriend on FIRE – is illegal. My advice? Don't do that!


Any Other Advice Out There???

Sparkles





Currently listening : I Want Your Sex By George Michael